TOP SECRET

From the Office of Stuff-n-Nonsense
Subject:One of our smart-clots has done been evolved!

Danger! One, or more, of the programmable, semi-intelligent, blood clots ( Smart-Clots), which were developed for “Project Sudden Hemorrhage”, are missing and presumed under control of Liberals, Terrorists, or Satan.

One of these renegade smart-clots has shown up in Pre.., I mean, Vice President Cheney. According to Secret Documents, which may or may not ever be available for review, this smart-clot threatened to invade Dick's brain if he continued to threaten Iran. Disturbingly, he actually ceased to threaten Iran, for several hours, while Doctors, and Preachers, decided what to do.

Our best “docs” were able to secretly remove the smart-clot and retain it for study. They have concluded that it “evolved”. Due to the infallibility of the Bible this conclusion is, as any Preacher can tell you, entirely impossible.

What we Believe, to be True, is: Evil forces (Liberals, Terrorists and/or Satan) stole Our smart-clots and, through black magic, “evolved” it on us. Then, one of their Evil Minions injected Saint Cheney! Or, perhaps they added it to one of his “blood meals” (see: Vampire or Mosquito).

While we still have a quantity of smart-clots available for their intended, Holy, purpose of “counseling” those about to give damning testimony; we don't know how many They have, Who They are or, where They will strike next.

One bit of good news. The stolen smart-clots don't appear to include the enhanced “memory sweeper” model as used on Al Gonzales. Of course, the Forces of Evil may be able to employ their magic to develop new “evolutions” we can't dream of.

NOTE: Do NOT share this document with the President. He would, only, use it to further his campaign for brain removal. I can hear him now:

“Nowadays. They got these blood clots. They can form anywhere but, if they break loose, they go to your brain and you die. If we remove our brains; blood clots can't kill us!”